Deadpool Kills the Bleach Filler
by PatsFan1
Summary: It's pretty much what the title says.


Deadpool Kills the Bleach Filler

I. Because Nobody Demanded It

PLACE: Abandoned Warehouse. LOCATION: Nunya.

A lone figure sat on a makeshift throne, surrounded by Taco Bell wrappers. Wade Wilson, the Merc With a Mouth known as Deadpool© was eating a taco, while also not wearing any pants. He had been in this weird composite anime/manga universe for a while, and was bored out of his mind. "Shit." he said to nobody in particular, "There's gotta be something for a crimson comedian to do around here aside from scratching my nuts." He looked through his phone, and after sifting through his folder labeled "Golden Girls Slash Fiction", he decided to look at his calendar. "Let's see here..." He noticed something. "Well I'll be a crumb cake in Oprah's refrigerator, wouldja look at that!"

He noticed that the Wednesday after the next was labeled "Nellie's Birthday". The green-haired Arrancar woman had more or less befriended Deadpool during his time here, and while he had a certain level of affection for her, in his mind it was more akin to a "Friends with Benefits" relationship. Still, he felt like he had to do something nice for her birthday. But what? "Man, what would a girl like that be wanting...crap, I got nuthin. It's gotta be something she'd know was from my brain, but...with a more feminine touch. I need some help with this, from someone with my way of thinking. I need me with a vagina!" He sat in thought for a moment. Then he stood up, reacting as if he was a teenage girl who'd figured out how to get senpai to notice him. "I've got it!" He dialed his phone.

He sat on his makeshift throne, which had an inscription on the back reading, "It's not nearly as nice as mine, but it should suffice. Congrats on the movie. ~Sosuke A." "Man, what's taking her so lo-" "HAI, WADEY!" A young woman in a black-and-red costume popped up from behind the throne. Deadpool squeeled as he fell out of his chair, and quickly pulled his pants up. "Dammit, Harley, what'd I tell you about knocking?!" "Make sure to do it immediately _after_ lighting the poo bag on fire?" "...fair enough."

After a hug (which was more akin to Harley squeezing the life out of him), she spoke up in a Brooklyn accent. "So what'd ya need help with?" "I'm trying to come up with something for Nellie's birthday and I needed your...perspective." "Greenie, huh? She your girlfriend or somethin'?" "Nnnnnot exactly." "Sooooo...you're not really dating at the moment?" "Not really...why?" "N-no reason!" she said nervously, blushing. "So, uh, what was that? Perspective?" "Yeah. I don't have much experience being inside a girl's head-R-rated implications notwithstanding-and I was hoping you'd help out. Plus...if I did something nice maybe the sword people in the black dresses won't keep trying to arrest me. So any ideas?" "Well...there is one thing. Give me a few minutes."

As she looked through her phone, Deadpool spoke up. "So are you still with that dude, what's his name, Jo-" "No." she said abruptly. "Oh. Well, good. Guy was a creep." "Uh-huh." she said with a tone that pretty much told Deadpool to drop the subject. A few minutes later, she sprung up. "Okay, I think I've got it. So, a lot of these folks-Greenie included-have been complaining about this one game they've got out...'Knaive Bowls' I think it's called? Well, they just added a bunch of characters to the game who are of the variety known as 'filler'." "'Filler', huh? Aren't they just random dudes they added to the anime shows even though they never actually did anything in real life? Those guys?" "Yep. Apparently none of the actual people like these filler people all that much. Think they're leeching off their success and, well, just kinda want them gone. Also something about them screwing with the balance of souls or something..." "So you're saying I should whack them?" "More or less, yeah. And I think I know just the way to do it. So remember that one show you did, 'Pain Factor' I think it was?" "Yeah, yeah. The one where I hunt people for entertainment, cuz God only knows murder is OK when it's for entertainment." "Well, I was thinking, we could grab some of these filler freaks, put them on the show and have it premier on Greenie's birthday, and BOOM. Everybody's happy." "That sounds both ridiculous AND utterly contrived. I love it."

"So," Deadpool began, "got any ideas for who gets to be our lucky contestants?" "Oh, do I ever."

II. Pick Your Filler - The Game Where Nobody Wins

"Okey dokey, Wadey, I got some prime hunting material for ya."

Harley pulled up a video on the large (stolen) computer in Deadpool's warehouse. "First up is these three clowns." Three individuals-a large man with half-green, half-yellow hair; a girl with green hair; and a young man with, you guessed it, green hair-appeared on-screen. "These three bozos are Kageroza Inaba, Nozomi Kujo and Oko Yushima. They're Mod-Souls, and from what I hear, they're all really bland and annoying. Ripe for the reaping."

"Then there's these twerps." The screen switched to an image of a skinny young man with long black hair, and a girl with yellow-and-pink hair. "These two are Discount Ryuko Matoi and Discount Kylo Ren, aka Homura and Shizuku. They're a couple of orphans who are fans of really desperate and contrived plots, along with the amnesia trope. They need to be spanked in the worst, non-sexual way possible."

A dark-haired young man appeared on the screen. "This kiddo's name is Sojiro Kusaka. He broke the cardinal rule of not having the same sword as someone else. Apparently he somehow managed to have the same sword as that white-haired kid...even though that contradicts everything about those swords. He actually isn't all that bad aside from that, except, well..." "Well, what?" "He speaks in _comic sans_." "Bullshit." "I'm serious." "Such an abomination should not exist."

A disheveled, dark-haired man appeared on-screen. "This lovely piece of work is Koga Kuchiki. He's an asshole. Like, a ginormous asshole. One source I found described him as being 'the physical incarnation of Beelzebub's Left Pubic Hair'. And speaking of that..." A brown-haired man with strange markings on his face and a white cloak appeared. "This is his sword spirit, Muramasa. It can manifest other sword spirits, cuz that's useful for fighting monsters, and his voice sounds like-" She rubbed her eyes in a tired manner, and let out a sigh. "- _Pauly Shore_." She played a video of Muramasa speaking in the most annoying tone conceivable by human kind. " _Alrighty, Kogster, just leave it to the Muramaster, HAHAHAHA._ " Deadpool groaned heavily. "NOOOOOooo, NO! _NO!_ No, NO!" He walked around, repeating himself in an exasperated voice. After a while, he returned, and let out a heavy sigh. " _Just...proceed._ "

"Well, uh...last one." A completely dark figure appeared on-screen. "This is Kazeshini. It's another Zanpakuto Spirit, but I thought you could-" Deadpool started laughing at the sight of Kazeshini. "...Are you fucking serious? Dear God, look at this guy! He looks like Shadow the Hedgehog had unprotected prom sex with that virus dude from that one Scooby-Doo movie! All the sword dudes you could've picked, and this...this _Spindly Johnny_ is the one you went with?" "He thinks post-movie Spongebob is kinda OK." Deadpool pulled out a shotgun and cocked it. " _Bring me their asses. NAO._ "

III. Welcome to the Island of Misfit Fillers

The title sequence played out. "PAIN FACTOR! With your host, the Merc With a Mouth, the Anti-Hero for Hire, the Guy who Won't Die, DEADPOOL!" Deadpool appeared, now on an island. "Greetings and salutations, my beautiful people! And welcome to Pain Factor, the show I do...cuz the writer of this story wants me to! And remember, I'm available for black ops, missions, assassinations, and BIRTHDAY PARTIES! Eeeeexcept for Bar Mitzvahs, sorry kids. Disney ownership and all that. But anywho! Onto our main event! We've got a very special episode for you folks tonight, cuz we're exterminating the blight on humanity known as 'ANIME FILLERS!' So, let's get down to business, cuz it's time...for a game...of the most dangerous variety. Cue the theme music!" The Deadpool Rap played as the rest of the opening sequence played out.

"So, as a new addition to the show, every episode I'm gonna enlist some mindless backup to help me slaughter my prey in the most brutal, humiliating and degrading ways imaginable. And for tonight's episode, weeeeell...you'll all see. Now sit tight!" He dialed his phone.

Elsewhere, Harley was filing her nails while chatting on the phone. "Sheesh, tell me about it, Ivy. And then she ends up getting with the jerk she liked while the guy who liked her from the beginning ended up with his stalker! I mean, how messed up is that?! Ep, hang on, I've got another call, I'll talk to ya later...hey, Wadey, what's up?" "RELEASE THE BOGUS!" "Uhhhh, what?" "The thing we talked about, push the big red button and set it free!" "OHHHHH, gotcha!" She hit the button, and on the island, a cage opened up. A loud, grovelly roar could be heard coming from it.

Elsewhere, Kusaka was looking over a cliff. "This is so unusual. The clown with the blonde pigtails seemed nice enough. Where do you think this is, Hyorinmaru?" "I'm not answering you." "Why not?" "Because I'm not your friend, I'm not your spirit, and your way of speaking is offensive." "What do you mean? I sound perfectly normal." "Sure you do."

Kusaka placed Hyorinmaru on the ground. "Wait here, I'm going to look for something." "Go right ahead. Not that I give a damn." "Why won't you love me like you love Toshiro?" "Because reasons. And he's better in bed. Now begone." Kusaka sighed and walked away. A short while later, Deadpool walked by Hyorinmaru. "Hey, you!" said the sword. "Wha? That's not one of my usual voices...there's no text balloons anywhere." "Over here, you fussbudget!" Deadpool walked over. "I'll profess my undying loyalty to you if you push that delusional knave off a cliff." "Oh. You mean that guy I was gonna whack anywhoosits? I don't see why not." "Perfect. He went that way." "Um...what way? You don't have any hands. You are an inanimate sword." "Towards the cliffs, you buffoon! Now go, posthaste!" "Aye-aye, blade-senpai!" He made for the cliffs.

Deadpool hid in a bush, and watched the cliffs. Nothing. Then, he heard a rustle nearby. Kusaka emerged from the bushes-completely naked. He began trotting towards the cliff. Singing. "Oh this is one fine day to be nude~! Yeah this is one fine day to be nude~! The birds are singing 'Kusa have a wonderful Spring~!' And people walking by can stop and look at my thing~! Oh this is one fine day to-" As he reached the edge of the cliff, Deadpool swiftly ran over and pushed him off. He screamed the Goofy scream, and landed with a hard 'thud'. Deadpool looked over the cliff. "Aw, jeez! I'm NOT cleaning that shit up!"

He returned to Hyorinmaru, sat down and began regaling the sword with the events. "And apparently he landed so hard, his...thing...popped! I didn't even know it was poppable! Believe me, I've done some things to mine...you'd think I was TRYING to pop it!" "I don't not believe you." "Great! So we're gonna be buddies now?" "As per our agreement, sure." "Awesome! Let's celebrate this with a delightful friend outing!" "Okay...what did you have in mind?" "LET'S GO BURN SOME FUCKING 'SONIC BOOM' COPIES." "I love you."

And so Deadpool, Hyorinmaru in tow, put Kusaka's body as well as several copies of 'Sonic Boom: The Rise of Lyric' on a pile of twigs, and set it alight. He began walking away. "1 Down, 8 more to give the business."

IV. Resident Squeevil

The green-haired trio was walking in another part of the island. "My legs are killing me. We've been walking for hours." said Nozomi. "Enough of your yammering. You can just sit down and let the native wildlife eat you." said Inaba. "I need my friends. They're the only reason I do things." "For the last time, you don't have friends. Because friendship is an imaginary concept." said Yushima. Nearby, Deadpool was watching the trio through binoculars. "My God, they're all just completely bland and generic, aren't they? How should I deal with-" He looked around, and noticed a spot where the trees were shaking. Something huge was close by. "Ohhhhhh shiiiiiit, there he iiiiiiis~." said Deadpool gleefully.

"Blah blah blah, friendship blah!" said Nozomi. "Blah blah blah, nonsense blah!" retorted Yushima. Suddenly, Inaba noticed something. He pointed up at Deadpool, who was looking at them from the cliff. "Blah blah blah!" said Inaba. "Hey there, people, and thanks for taking part in our special 'Modithon'. HAHAHA, get it, cuz you're Mod-eh, screw it. So, you all are in for a special treat, because I brought a special friend with me!" "I thought I was your special friend." said Hyorinmaru. "I can have more than one, Horace." "It's 'Hyorinmaru', buffoon!" "You're my special friend, and I can call you Horace if I want to! But anywhozits, my OTHER special friend is on his way! In fact he should be getting here right...about..." The nearby trees shook louder. Something was indeed aproaching. Something _huge_.

A hulking figure appeared out of the trees...well, _through_ the trees. It was wearing black trousers, a black overcoat, boots and gloves. It possessed no hair, had no lips and had its right eye stitched over. Its muscles were exposed on its right shoulder, and it wielded a rocket launcher on its left arm. And it was _big_ , easily towering over the trio. "Ladies and gents, I present to you, the terrifying, the deadly, the unstoppable NEMESIS!" shouted Deadpool. The creature growled. "...Reigai...!" it uttered, and it let out a massive roar as the trio stood in stunned silence. "Shit, meet tighty whities." said Deadpool.

"Now...GO GET 'EM, NEM-KUN!" shouted Deadpool. Nemesis roared, and a tentacle-like appendage burst from its arm. It moved quickly towards Inaba, and impaled him through the chest. He hoisted the Mod-Soul into the air. "Come with me!" shouted Yushima, grabbing Nozomi's arm. "Wait, maybe we can try being friends with it-" "I WILL SHOVE YOU IN MY MAN-PURSE, NOW MOVE!" They ran. "Now, COMMENCING RAGDOLL MODE!" shouted Deadpool. Nemesis proceeded to fling Inaba around, smashing him into numerous trees until his body completely burst apart. "Okey-dokey, gruesome, you've got two more to get. RIP THEIR GUTS OUT!" "Reigai!" Nemesis let out a roar, and leaped into the air, following the escaping Mod-Souls.

Yushima and Nozomi ran as far as they could, before jumping into some bushes. They listened. The creature landed close by, and the pair sat and listened to the sound of its footsteps. After some time, it seemed to walk away. They waited before emerging from the bushes. Yushima sighed. "Well at least it's off our tra-" He exploded into a million bloody pieces. A shocked Nozomi looked around and spotted Nemesis nearby, having fired a missile. "...Reigai!" It began walking slowly towards Nozomi.

She ran until she reached a rock wall, and tried getting her bearings, but it was too late. Nemesis landed in front of her, and was about to attack her, when Nozomi began speaking. "Wait! Why don't we talk this over? You're a lab experiment too, right?" Nemesis paused. "We have that in common! It's so horrible that the people who made you also make you do horrible things. But you don't have to be like that! You must be so murderous because...you've never had a real friend, right? Well, I can help you! Friendship is so wonderful! You don't have to tear people apart if you have friends, right?" Nemesis was still, and after a few moments...he punched Nozomi's face so hard into the rock wall her upper body basically exploded into a bloody mess. Her lower half collapsed into a heap, and out of it popped the tiny circular form of the original Mod-Soul. Nemesis promptly stomped on it, which emitted a farting noise.

Deadpool teleported to the scene. "Jesus, Mother Mary and Joseph! You did even better than I hoped! High five!" Deadpool put his hand up. Nemesis did not react. "Oh, right. Well, uh...back to the dugout, big guy! I'll take over the ripping duties." Nemesis leaped away. "Man, what a swood guy he is! Ugly enough to model death threats, but swood regardless!" "Right. So we're going to find our next victim, then?" "Righto! And here's the list Harley gave me for which order to go in!" "Right, so who shall it be?" Deadpool looked at the list. "Next up...Koga and Satan's Ingrown Asshair." Muramasa's irritating laugh echoed through Deadpool's mind. "SUNUVA-"

V. BioDon't

Deadpool set Hyorinmaru down and prepared a campsite. He got a fire going, and sat down. "So tell me something." began Hyorinmaru. "Why exactly are you hunting these people? I mean, I'm not arguing, they're irritating as piss, but why are _you_ doing this exactly?" "Well...there's this one green-haired chick..." "Independent of the one you just had turned into jelly?" "Well, yeah. It's her birthday soon, and I wanted to do something...thoughtful." "And your definition of 'thoughtful' is tearing people apart." "Y'know, Horace, if you keep interrupting me I can just make a doll of that nude guy and leave you with him instead." "Uggh, fine. Continue." "Thanks. So I wanted to do something thoughtful, and since mostly everybody wants these numbskulls gone, I thought I'd do something useful." "So is this green-haired female your girlfriend, then?" "Welllll not quite." "You seem to be going to great lengths in this venture. Is there...somebody else involved, by any chance?" "Wuzzat? 'Course not. Well...except maybe-" Just then, there was rustling in the bushes.

Deadpool went to check the bushes. He looked, and what he saw surprised him: Harley was sitting in the bushes, night-vision goggles on her head, and with a surprised expression on her face. "...uhhhhh..." she uttered. "Harley?!" said Deadpool. She popped out of the bushes. "Um...hi, Wadey." "What the funkenwagnell are you doing here?!" "Well, uh..." She stuttered. "I thought you could use some help with this..." "Preeeetty sure me and Horace have it under control." "Horace...?" "That would be me." said Hyorinmaru, surprisingly opting not to correct Deadpool on his name. "Harley, c'mon. You really shouldn't be out here. These weirdos might be lame, but they're powerful too. I can regenerate. You can't." "Aw, come one, Wadey, don't be such a stick in the mud! I'm...thinking of the potential ratings!" At this point she was blushing. "St-studies on this kind of stuff show that having a hot chick significantly boosts ratings! I read it on the internet so it must be true!" "Uh-huh, suuuure. And my Aunt Pearl just rose up from the dirt to dance Gangnam Style with the Mets. What're you _REALLY_ here for, Harley?"

At this point Harley was blushing profusely. Hyorinmaru, seeing the writing on the wall, spoke up. "Wilson, come now. She clearly only wants to help. Strength in numbers and all that. Besides...nobody should have to endure Pauly Shore on their own. So just let the lady help you out." Deadpool thought for a moment. "Aw, shucks. You know I can't say no to you, Horace. Okay, I guess it wouldn't hurt." Harley, beaming, enveloped Deadpool in a hug. " _Actually it kinda hurts nowOWOWOWOWOWOWOW_!" yelped Deadpool.

"Ow ow and ow." muttered Deadpool. "Right, if we're gonna be plus one on this little trek through fairy-land, we'll need a bigger fire. I'll go grab some wood." He started walking away, clearly still in pain. "You okay, Wadey?" asked Harley. "Yep yep, nothing's broken! Except my back...and my spine...and my ribs...and my everything else..." He sauntered off. Harley sat on the log. "Hey...thanks for that." "No problem at all. He might be a little on the imbecilic side, but he means well. And you were starting to look like a sad puppy. Now what was that trite term the humans use...oh yes, 'I've got your back, girl.'" "High five!" She raised her hand. "...I'm a sword." "Oh, right. Hehe."

Nearby, Muramasa was standing behind a tree, listening in. "Oooooh, wait'll Koga hears about this! Primo info, and it's major brownie points for the Muramaster, AHAHAHAHAHA!" He clasped his hands over his mouth, realizing his error. "What was that?" asked Harley. "I don't know but it sounded like a child's soul being forcefully removed." said Hyorinmaru. They turned towards the source of the noise and noticed Muramasa's head poking around the tree. He ducked back behind it, before proceeding to wave his arms around it. "OOooOOOOoooOO, pay no attention to the dudebro behind the tree, HAHHAHAHA!" Hyorinmaru sighed. "Would you mind?" Harley already had her giant mallet out. "Already on it." she said with an irritated expression.

She maneuvered her way behind Muramasa, who was completely unaware of her presence, and continued to make idiotic hand motions behind the tree. She poked him in the back. He turned around, and Harley decked him with her mallet. He crumpled to the ground.

A short while later, Deadpool returned to find Harley standing over Muramasa, who was tied up and had his mouth covered with a comically large Band-Aid. "Uhhhhh...what happened here?" asked Deadpool. "I did what we all wanted to do after BioDome and I decked Pauly Shore in the face!" responded Harley.

"Alright, listen here, fuckface." began Deadpool. "You're getting slaughtered one way or the other, but before that happens, you're gonna help us find your dickwaffle of a master. Nod if you get the picture." Muramasa nodded. "Goody goody gumdrops, now get your ass up." He grabbed Muramasa and stood him up. Then he took out a gun and pointed it at Muramasa's head. "Move." He did so.

Muramasa led them to an open field. "I was hoping you'd show up." said a voice. Koga appeared before them. "I don't know why you brought this useless tool back to me, but thanks, I guess." "Oh, we're not giving him back to you, like, at all." said Deadpool. He threw Hyorinmaru at the ground, before swiftly kicking Muramasa towards the sword. In slow-motion, Muramasa slid into Hyorinmaru, and was swiftly cut in two. "...am I supposed to be upset by that?" asked Koga. "Wow. You really are a butt." said Harley.

"This guy's power is something else." thought Harley. "Gonna have to think outside the box a bit. Think, Harley, think THINK! Hrmm...Oh, I got it!" "So, do you want me to end you slowly or painfully? Kidding, I'll give you both." said Koga. "Hold up, gruesome! Y'know, being murderous and all is stressful work. Dontcha think you could use a nice drink?" Harley pulled out a can of Diet Dr. Pepper. "The hell is that? You think I'm just gonna take a drink from you? This is obviously a trap." said Koga. "Come on dude, we're just a cute little clown and a dude in a red onesie who scratches his ass in an uber-cute way, you really think we have something that can hurt you?" said Harley. "Hmmm...fair point. You all **are** vastly inferior to me in every way. Very well, bestow your drink upon me, so that I may be energized as I rip you to pieces." "The hell are you doing, Har?!" asked Deadpool. "Trust me on this." she whispered back. She gave Koga the drink.

Koga drank the whole thing in one gulp. "Uuuurp...that actually wasn't all that bad. Now that that's over with, I can-HURGH!" Koga grasped his stomach. He was reacting poorly, and began writhing on the ground. "I-urgh-should've guessed! What the hell did-GAH!" Hyorinmaru's spirit was observing, and silently mouthed "What the fuck" to himself. Then, Koga's stomach began showing signs of movement. Like something inside was trying to get out. With one final shout of anguish from Koga, something burst through his stomach with one emphatic phrase: "LITTLE SWEET!"

A small man with violet-red hair and a goatee, wearing pop star-esque clothing, had burst out of Koga's stomach.

"Did somebody call for a _sweeeeeeeet~_ intervention?" said the man. "What the fucking _fuuuuuck_." said a stunned Deadpool. "Hi, Little Sweet!" said Harley. "Oh, 'sup Harley. This dead clown bothering you?" "Not anymore, he ain't." "Looking at this dude he could've used a bit more Diet Dr. Pepper in his life." "Well considering that drinking a can of the stuff resulted in...well, _this_." said Deadpool. He looked into the hole. "Er, is there something else in there with you?" "Oh, right." Little Sweet pulled out some kind of unholy abomination that resembled a cros between a puppy, a monkey, and a baby. "Puppymonkeybaby" it uttered. Deadpool immediately pulled out a gun and shot the creature in the head. "Wade!" shouted Harley. "That thing was about to devour my sperm, I had to!" "Well, uh, if you don't need anything else, I'll see myself out. Have to deliver diet soda to the rest of the world. LITTLE SWEET GOING BACK INTO THE ASSHAT'S GUT~!" shouted Little Sweet as he descended back into Koga's body.

Brief silence, and then Deadpool spoke up. "So how do you-" "Not important." said Harley.

VI. Deady Poo and the Spindly Johnny

The next day, Deadpool was sitting on a log with Hyorinmaru next to him. "Hey, Horace." said Deadpool. "What?" said Hyorinmaru, sounding as if he'd been awoken from a nap. "So, uh, I've been thinking." "That in and of itself is a shocking revelation." "I'VE BEEN THINKING, that maybe...maybe there's something between me and-" "You like Clown Girl, don't you?" "Asasadhdfbdbcd, could you let me finish one sentence?!" "I just did." "...I don't know how to talk to girls." "You seem to speak with her perfectly fine." "I mean in... _that_ way. You can only tell so many pornographic knock-knock jokes before a girl gets sick of 'em. But...Harley's the first girl I've met who actually thinks they're _funny_. Like, I've been kicking since, what, 1991? And I've never met a girl who shares my interest in-" "Lewd humor? Wanton destruction? A fascination with crimson underwear?" "...you just know EVERYTHING, don't you?"

"Okay then, Wilson, if we have the point of this conversation cleared up, what exactly do you need my help with?" "I, uh...need help asking her out." "There it is. Now, with me being a sword and all, I wouldn't usually know much about sexual interrelations, but considering my master's popularity amongst women, plus his lieutenant's rather...dubious activities, I may know a thing or two about how to get into a woman's head...metaphorically speaking, of course." "Great! So, what should I do?" "Hmmm, let's start with something simple. Maybe something like, oh I don't know...poetry?" " _Poetry_? Hmmm...usually I'd just point and laugh about how that's sissy talk, but I guess I can try."

Deadpool pulled out a notebook and began writing. "' _Roses are red. Violets are blue. I fucking love flowers and I kinda like you.'_ Nonono, let's try again. ' _Roses are red. Violets are blue. You fill my pants with lots of white goo.'_ Nope, no, not yet. ' _Roses are red. Violets are blue. You're very sexy...jizz on the carpet.'_ Gah, still not right. _'Roses are red. Violets are red. Everything is red. I just got shot.'_ No, not romantic enough. _'Roses are red. Violets are blue-'_ " "I know where you live. And I'm watching you." said another voice.

Deadpool looked up and saw Kazeshini sitting on a tree branch. "JEEBUS, who the-GAAH, SPINDLY JOHNNY! _RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!_ " Deadpool grabbed Hyorinmaru and ran away, screaming like a sissy. Kazeshini laughed and gave chase.

Elsewhere, Harley was hiding in some bushes and looking through binoculars. She was whispering into her phone. "And so this guy starts rambling about how he wet his pants cuz some chick blew up his house, I dunno-oh, hang up, I'll call you back..." Shizuku was looking into a pond and grabbing for fish. "Chicken, fishies, you just little chickens! Cheepcheepcheepcheepcheeeeeeeep." he said in something akin to a French accent. Homura walked over. "The hell are you doing?" she asked. "Oh hai, sister, what's new with you?" "You know you're supposed to use a rod or something, right? And what's with all the fish bones, have you been eating them yourself?!" "I did not eat them, it's not true, it's bullshit, I did not eat them! I did not."

Harley stuck her head out of the bush, when Deadpool came running past. "LOOK OUT, HE'LL EAT YOUR SOUL!" he yelled. Kazeshini came close behind, laughing, when he locked eyes with Harley. The wild Pokemon theme from Gold & Silver as it transitioned to a battle screen.

A wild SPINDLY JOHNNY appeared!

The wild SPINDLY JOHNNY used LAUGH!

It had no effect!

HARLEY used the MASTER BALL!

1...2...3...click!

Gotcha! SPINDLY JOHNNY was caught!

Deadpool walked over with Shizuku and Homura in chains. "Hey, not bad, Harl!" "'Not bad'? It was a waste! He wasn't even a shiny!" "Well, I've got some good news and bad news. Good news is we've got these freaks tied up. Bad news is...I just realized that we didn't bring any cameras." "WHAT?! So...we just wasted all these morons and didn't even get a single second on tape?!" "Yeah...oops." "OOPS?! I should waste you right now for that, you goofball!" "Calm down, calm down, I've got a contingency plan."

A week later in Deadpool's abandoned warehouse, Deadpool, Harley and Nel were watching TV, when a show began. " _And now welcome to the first episode of the sure-fire hit series, 'Which Filler Lives'!_ " The screen changed to Shizuku, Homura and Kazeshini locked in open-top cages. Deadpool began narrating. "Contestant Number 1 is the Spindly Johnny, arrested for excessive laughing, public intoxication and finding the new 'Powerpuff Girls' to be an acceptable successor to the original series! Truly I can think of no crime more heinous! Contestant Number 2 is Discount Ryuko Matoi, arrested for identity theft, defecating in public and having no discernable good qualities whatsoever! _Just like my ex-wife!_ And Contestant Number 3 is Kylo Ren, arrested for indecent exposure, identity theft and having the gall to have that haircut in public! Now, the rules are simple: last one to not die wins!"

"Oops, looks like the Spindly Johnny is climbing out of the cage, if he does that then it's an automatic discualification! Aaaaaand he's gone. That just leaves Discount Ryuko Matoi and Kylo Ren! They're crawling on the ground as if they want food, _what an endearing concept!_ Aaaaaaand Discount Ryuko Matoi has dropped dead! That means Kylo Ren is our winner! And what's his grand prize?" Deadpool paused the episode, yet continued to narrate. "His grand prize is..."

He opened a door to reveal Shizuku hanging from the ceiling by his arms, with a ball gag in his mouth. "...an epic wrecking by the birthday girl!" Nel's eyes began glowing red and she began giggling. Shizuku began struggling. "So you wanna use my gift for this one, Greenie?" asked Harley. "Oh, do I ever." Nel pulled out a red-and-black chainsaw, and started it up. Shizuku began to panic. "Boy, we just give the most precious gifts, ain't that right Horace?" Hyorinmaru was in his sheath next to Deadpool. "I'm going to regret continuing this partnership, aren't I?" he asked. Shizuku's screams of anguish could be heard.

Deadpool and Harley laughed at the carnage. Hyorinmaru gave a heavy sigh. "If that isn't an answer...I don't know what is."

FIN


End file.
